After Vietnam

I have to stop writing a diary. Each step I take throughout a given day is not important. Yesterday I felt like they were, but I changed my mind this morning. I want to say that this past week has changed my mind about a lot of things. I used to think I was smart because I graduated high school with high honors and I’m pretty good at comprehending what my teachers tell me. But do they even know what they’ve told me? I subject myself to a system of “this is what it is” followed by exams so that one day my degrees will get me a job, but I will say this diploma represents what I have memorized - what my teachers know – and it’s time to learn the truths of facts. It’s time to get down to business. I’m talking solely about history. I’ve always hated history classes starting from the day I had the pledge of allegiance memorized. Ok I’m 19 years old, I just looked up the definition of the word allegiance, (because no one ever told me)it’s kind of frightening: loyalty or commitment of a subordinate to a superior… “I pwedge aweegents to the flag of the United Sates of America (pause) and to the republic, for which Richard stands, one nation, underdog, indervisable, with libery and justice for all.” So perhaps when I was four years old I didn’t have the pledge exactly down pact, but “that was what it was”. Don’t we all just love children? We can’t wait to make them our parrots, we even want our kids to be just like us. Yeah, they’re a fresh clean slate so we’ll teach them of this wonderful thing called democracy where we choose how we live and we have a voice and we can trust our government because we elected those endearing officials who care so much about the individuals. I used to say I hate history. Let me correct myself – I hate when someone teaches me history and then grades me on what I’ve absorbed. Who has the authority over me to determine what I should accept as truth? That the answer to number 28 is in fact C, so if I don’t circle that letter I will fail? Maybe I’m not as mad about what they’ve taught me as I am about what they haven’t taught me. Before I went to South Africa if you mentioned the word ‘apartheid’ I might have guessed that you were talking about a new brand of sneaker, or maybe it’s the name of some suburban town. Why didn’t I know about it? How about – “Kim, what do you know about the Vietnam war?” Hmmmm I gotta think about this. Oh I know that a lot of people in the United States opposed it. Probably because of the draft, and no one wanted to go fight. Not exactly sure what the war was about. I know we eventually put up a monument to our soldiers in hopes that the people of the US would support the soldiers, even if they didn’t support the cause. Where was it that all the students went to protest? Tienanmen square? Hahaha goes to show how much I learned about Beijing. So I’ve developed a new slogan – GO LEARN SOMETHING. Then relearn it until you understand it, don’t memorize and don’t believe it. Anyway so I wasn’t going to travel in China because I’m out of money, but I think I’ve changed my mind. I can’t let this opportunity go so I’m going to borrow money everyway I can and sleep on the great wall or on a park bench if I have to so I can make it to Tienanmen Square and feel it. I’m gunna go learn something from the people, maybe read some books, but if it’s in writing it might not be trustworthy. I’m not done figuring me out, but I’m just beginning to understand at least which way I need to start turning in order to head the right direction. “Travel makes you wiser, but less happy” – Thomas Jefferson